What is up with these modern day sex kittens. Plastic surgery makes you look fucked up. Hot dog lips that look like they were smeared in lard. That “always surprised look”. Yuk.

Oh so yeah. Remember kids. It’s stealing. Not copying or anything like that. Take it from the bitches that take it up the ass on camera.

Oh….so yeah. This may be rather surprising…as if anyone asked or cared. I don’t like porn. Really! I hate strip clubs too. Reasoning is simple. Porn, is a step away from modern magic marketing. You just do something you think your doing well and sell it, cause some desperate chimp will buy it. Same with the strip clubs. Why in the hell would anyone pay some chic that isn’t actually going to go home with them. Blind sided Sha Boom! Pay first then I’ll perhaps give you a good secret big dick Mcgee.

Buh. I don’t get it. And cyber sex. Oh baby your text and Georgia font are so hot…baby. I’m eating fried chicken in the nude…baby.

Perhaps I got a little carried away there. Oooooooo…baby. Sweet Georgia.

Bitches are working hard man….to make a living….thousands are needed to make these masterpieces. I got a phone and….Whoa! That’s all I need cause it’s TWO THOUSAND TEN. I need a porn name. I saw Boogie Nights. I’m ready. No practice or talent needed! And you thought I was just talking about porn.

On with the goods. Perhaps I’m alone here but there is a “common sense” flaw in near every clip spoken.

Criss Angel to me isn’t a magician.  I think most laymen caught on in the same manner.  At best he’s a poor actor.  No my friends I don’t mean an actor playing the role of a magician….er yes I do.  To me calling him a magician is like saying Keanu Reeves can slow down time and is very expressive in his work.

Can you all believe…er sorry…can you all stomach this bullshit.  Criss Angel as magician of the CENTURY.  Holy shit balls.  If we ever needed more proof magic awards hold about the silliest little trinkets on the planet, this one should set it in stone a bit more.  Even most laymen I’ve read online are basically reacting with a “really?” type aura.

Perhaps in the future the world of magi will step back and really look at shit for once.  Yes….I know the Criss Angel thing is mostly a joke to anyone with a couple of brain cells to rub together.  On the other hand it seems most of the big boys out there….FISM mostly, should really step back and know most of us are just laughing in the same manner as the award given to Criss.

Standards.  When did these things get so lost?  Some things are above opinions as bonds when talking about standards.

Ah fuck.  I forget I’m talking to magicians.  Standards are harder to come by.  When there are fanny packs to market that hold their thumb tips, playing cards, and dildos all in one place while wearing a “Everything I ever needed to know I learned from L+L” T shirt  …standards may be a tad awry.

I may just make my own one man society and some awards to give out.  I promise if you all really look at what they are worth…it’s about the same as all the rest.

Anyone want best magician of North America Lifetime Achievement?  We’ll cook up that one first.  I only ask for the 100 dollar yearly fee.  The rest is yours.

Sorry to report dues just went up because of complications, in that, we have too many members for the small space we had used 5 minutes ago.  Dues are now 500 dollars a month.

Yes.  I’m plugging someone’s goods at a new internet store.  God speed Sir.

http://dealingdeuces.com/store/

Ever since I first put eyes on the newer tablet type computers I instantly without missing a tick thought “Scan my books, OCR, searchable database, all in one handy package”.

Ipad finally came out, being a pile of disappointment and over pricing.  It’s slow, it doesn’t multitask, it has poor battery life, it costs more than my first car, they do the typical “you get the hassles for being a paid customer while the pirates have no hoops”, no Flash, no camera.  As to say the illusion of a lap top with a touch screen.  Not so much.  It’s an over sized Iphone at a starting price of 500.  Yippee.

On the other hand I think the Tablets will catch up.  HP, Microsoft and the like will probably as usual make the same type frame at half the price and twice the power and options.

Folks have been pondering if these devices will be a newspaper and book killer.  I say it depends on what kind of hobbies you peruse.   Being an Orwell fan I would have no problem just having Animal Farm on a Tablet with no actual printed copy.  I can’t fathom just having digital copies of my most beloved magic tomes though.  One can’t be alone in the idea that it’s harder to actually study, and take instructionals near as seriously only in this format.

On the other hand having a physical text book, along with a single device to carry around sounds like a little slice of bliss in my opinion. With that I’m sure I’ll become an outlaw making copies for my own personal use.  If asked the question “Is it ok to copy books you own for your own personal use?”, I’d have to say that just depends on your own personal opinions.  There will always be scary fucks that will say “you can’t do that”, even though you already did. Or even worse the ones that will try and get legal on your ass.

Have no doubt about it, when Tablets come down to a fair price and are more typical on the market, I’m going to be a scan whore.  Will I be sharing my scans?  Mostly not.  Mostly?  Well yes.  I know many of my friends own the same books as I do, and out of just being a friend, I’d have no problem tossing them a copy due to the abysmal time it will take to scan.  Just being honest there.  Will I post them in the open on the internet?  Hell no!    Will I take copies in the open of books I own?  Chances are!

I just boils down to that “ethical” thing again, and being different as per the person.  Myself, I don’t want to screw anyone out of hard work and I’ll always pay for well thought out, interesting books.  Hopefully in return they realize a new age and format has been upon us for quite some time.

Am I really a “bad person” for thinking that if someone gave a *poof* Tablet with all the books I own on it, as being a corrupt son of a bitch with no moral code?  Wouldn’t you like a Tablet with all your books on it too?  Yeah…..I bet you would.  That’s….well….the point of the damn thing for most part.

TXT. and PDF are in fact the next MP3.  I remember people crying murder when they came out too. Old as time. It was once thought that piano rolls, and player pianos was a form of piracy and job loss.

As per Nibble Nuts

1 – Don’t make false title claims.

Don’t make false claims, get many credentials that equate to nothing! It’s not that such a thing is confined to the magic world of course, but in any sort of award system, these little prestige trinkets only mean something to those who peruse them.

The secret is they are all easy as fuck to get. FISM prizes obviously aren’t given out for “the best” anymore. World’s longest magic show! The official Jeannie of Australia! Inventor of scratching your arm and selling it at Ellusionst…after the other guy and…most importantly the *disclaimer- not associated with that dead guy from the early 1900’s

So here’s my personal aura of not making up false claims. Live life full. Fuck an ugly piece of shit award on your mantle, or a little plaque you can hang over your toilet. Let your name precede you without any life gimmicks if you will. Who needs these made up bullshit awards…… when you go out and women want to fuck you, or people get excited when you walk through a door etc etc. Personally I’ll take those kind of credentials any day vs “I won best of show at the Frog Balls Arkansas Magic Awards 2005″. If you’ve ever said something like “Sorry I didn’t get the chance to fuck you on my visit”, you might be doing something right. How bout the simple one of walking into a place and folks burst into “MAGIC MAN! EYYYYYYYYYY!”….yeah yeah you all get the point. Don’t fake the funk and make title claims. Free is the man flying away from what others are blueprinting as “titles” in the first place. Think about what your credentials would like to read. People may never even know, or care what they are. You may say I want a threesome, or I want to try and get free drinks for a full night, or I’d like to find my soul mate. Sky is the limit.

2 – Don’t copy others.
Hrm. Like not emulating Paul Potassy? (Which by the way is like comparing raw sewage to prime rib). How bout the easiest one of all, children can do, in emulating pop culture shit. Like that? It’s easy not to copy someone that wears a fuckin’ Sonny Crockett jacket still in 2010 and sells zit popping “magic” on DVDs. Jesus creeping sandles, someone actually is.

Truth is we all copy others. We copy their tricks, we copy their gags and all in between. Never fool yourself in that manner. Granted it’s one thing to try and become a clone, but it’s realistic in knowing nothing is new under sun, copying is mostly out of respect. I stopped trying to reinvent the wheel long ago. Once upon a time I was the guy that would read something and add a little twist of such and claim victory that “I came up with a new method”….you know like Paul Gordon. Some are still doing this shit as adults. Some even saying rubbish like “A new way to look at Card At Any Number, which is kinda like Any Card At Any Number….for marketing purposes.”

Personally I do Walton effects for instance straight out of the book. I copy his routines to the tee. That’s why I bought the thing. Should I be embarrassed or unrealistic I don’t “change that routine so it’s mine”? Of course not. If anyone claims to be totally unique they are full of shit or the .00000000002 percent rarity….perhaps Lennart Green for instance.

The best gift you can give to yourself is understanding who you are and what you want to paint yourself as when performing. Your friends for instance are your friends because there is something they like about you, a bit better than most. It’s kindergarten 101 to say there is only one of you on this planet. Why not put the best you forward whenever you can. No one can copy that. To say “Don’t emulate their tricks, their gags, their look, their style, their advertising material” all art would be dead. No shame in in copying items out of respect. Of course copying THE WHOLE PACKAGE, is a different story. Like using a card fountain dressed in a genie costume or some dumb shit. But if your not copying something, you are easily in delusion (unless your Lennart Green or the .0000000002 percent).

Don’t copy copy copy copy.

3 – Show respect to those who have gone before you.

What a fuckin’ old school, weak of mind, die a death statement. I said it many times in the past. Respect is earned and never deserved….much less through age.

Don’t you hate those guys (and it goes a little with #1) that state things like “I’ve been doing magic for 20 years”. May be no point other than to give a time frame. It’s the ones that state such as if with that they are some kind of omnipotent authority on a subject. Some guys have been doing magic for 20 years, but they may have left out the fact they practice 1 hour a week, and use all gaffs. While the one others may look down on, next to the guy, have been in magic 4 years but practices 6 hours a day.

Time means nothing, unless the time pronounced shows it’s fruits unquestionably. I believe that those who study books correctly are better performers than any magi that has watched videos for how ever many years. We should be thankful everyday we have such vast resources in the modern age. We have most everything Bro. Hamman performed. Larry Jennings favorites. On and on. In this we can excel faster than any generation before us. What some may have needed a near lifetime to perfect, in correct study we can do so in minimal time on some levels in comparison.

Anyway. No one was putting words in anyone’s mouth there Sparky. Respect whom you think should be respected. Period. Age, awards, self proclaimed gurus and whatnot doesn’t mean shit. Personally I’ve always been open in saying Paul Harris had his moments, but is over rated. It won’t make you very popular, but from my inner core I see things that just look pitiful to actually stand behind the man in totally of works. Try going in to Magic Cafe and saying anything by Paul Harris kind of of sucks…..see what happens. That’s that elder brainwash at work. There is no trend in “the old guys don’t know anything”. 90 percent of my favorites are old enough to be dead. In fact…………..I can’t think of anyone I really really study that are under 40 something. It is just the nature of kids being, and interacting with other kids and teens. Problem is Gomer is pointing at himself a little too much. I’m just pointing at respecting those before you in history and elders as per the next one. Dirty Sanchez is saying you should respect his long journey and talents as a performer and listen to his words of wisdom….because damn it….he came before you and knows how to wear a stripper scarf, and make up. Perhaps even some tips on Healed and Sealed, or a dynamite show stopping rap song Copperfield was over joyed to witness.

Then again. After all that I just typed. I think he just was saying “don’t copy”. We did that in part #2 of the saga. How many years can you go on about “don’t copy DVD’s, don’t copy ideas, don’t copy, copy, copy, copy, copy, copy.

4 – Learn your magic history.

Fair enough. Can’t argue the topic, but just knowing names doesn’t mean a thing. And how can one state that we should get to know these people, and also claim that you shouldn’t emulate someone else’s tricks and overall ideas. Thus is the point. Roots. Nothing can be more important than roots. I, and I’m sure many of us see something like TILT and a little voice in the head goes “Marlo, Vernon Optical Depth”. In the end it will give you a better aura as a magi to know about these people….sometimes. Frankly I don’t much give a shit about Marlo. I know the basics of his somewhat depressing life of over publishing, but not any real “story”. As stated a billion times I’m a Vernon/Walton guy. You all read “The Magician And The Cardsharp”? Will it make you perform Twisting the Aces better? Of course not. It’s just a matter of passion. I personally like to know the roots of the man that created such. Hell, I couldn’t count the times I go off to laymen about a guy named the Professor and he………….. I go on and on and on. No one gets bored because it’s an interesting life, and when one shows a real excitement about something it’s contagious. I’ve been around a guy that almost made Dungeons and Dragons sound like “the thing to do” one time, simply by his lavish passion on a nerdy, gay, dice game. History should be interesting, and it makes us all more interesting on the same latitude.

Then again. I wasted time again. He is saying “Read history….you may be making a copy and not know it”

5 – Be ethical in your dealings with others.

No surprise in a little ethics talk there kids. Ethics. What are ethics anyway? I’ve still not quite found what that means anymore than what the fuck someone means when they say “Zen”. Dictionaries define it….but what is that. Love. What is fuck is that?

It’s different for each and every one of us what “ethics” means and to the situation. I scanned a few pages for a friend the other day. To me that is perfectly ethical. He in return an hour later said “I need to buy this book”. Someone is getting a book sale! To some I wasn’t ethical at all. Some think those who don’t accept a God as complete heathens that must live unethical lifestyles. Pro Life and Anti-Abortion….which ethic? Ah yes, the one you choose, or were raised to believe in, location of birth yada yada.

I have had friends say to me the dreaded words “I showed X my trick and the son of a bitch made a DVD claiming his own”. That pisses me off personally. It’s easy to blame the copier, but home base made the mistake that landed the rip off.

Reputation is also bullshit. People that come here for instance. While some will say Cardman has a shit reputation, others will say my blog is one of the best out there. I don’t care either way. I do know how many hits I get a day. Other than that, as Joan Jet stated “I don’t give a damn about my bad reputation”.

Then again. You guessed it. I went a little too in depth. He’s saying “Ethical means…….. don’t copy……again”

Be nice to the little guy on your way up, because you’re going to meet him again on the way back down

Ah let’s all dance around the May Pole again. Let’s all have some cake and play some Yahtzee. I got a swell magic trick I can show you at the malt shop.

Actually the following at Numb Nuts place (which I don’t feel like copying) could only come from a severe beta male.

I’ve known my Aunt my whole life time. She’s a cunt. The guy that sells me smokes at the gas station is a total fucking dork. Put the magic thing aside. Not everyone is going to like you, and you shouldn’t like everyone. I always loved those cocky little shits with new 1,000 dollar bikes, while I ride my crusty looking bike from ages ago being it’s special to me say something like “You any good” with a sneer. (Insert 30 seconds or so of riding). My record is 100 percent “you just choked on my cock you little shit”. I’m not going to say “hey man I’ll go show you some stuff and give you some pointers”. I give the middle finger, a hearty fuck you and roll on. I don’t play that you should respect your elders card like before. I play the tickle my balls you little bitch poser. That’s my choice of course, but what sappy little pussy would be nice and take people like that under their wing. Teach em the good old lesson of humility because of an inflated ego without knowledge of the skill that lies face to face.

What a pussy. Don’t get me wrong again. I’m not saying be a jerk to everyone, or anything of that nature. When did men stop being men? Oh wait. I’m talking to mostly magicians…..my pardons.

I’ll just do it for ya, you beta pussy.

Hey “some guy”. Your an asshole. You emulate an asshole and if I saw you on the street I’d spit on your fucking ugly face and smile. Now that I know you exist I’m a step away from changing my opinions on abortion laws. You might want to take a mental note of what I just said…….. if you can actually write on toilet paper.

If you actually “understand and respect these guidelines” as Romeo puts it…you may have missed a simple fact that when anyone says “understand and respect these guidelines” has a bit of an authority problem. Tell them to fuck off and make your own decisions and be true to yourself.

Don’t copy!

PS. I hate rss and proof reading. Not one of my better suits. What’s your favorite suit? Guicci? ah ha ha ha ah. These are the jokes folks. Ah hah ah ahaaha. The clean hand please…ahahahaha ha ah. Want to play with my magic wand….ahahhah hah aah ha. Is this thing on?